Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
