i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
