what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
