sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
