Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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