capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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