I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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