He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
