I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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