Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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