My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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