don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When are your genitals available?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
