Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
