Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
