If i come over, it means nothing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
