So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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