I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
