If that was your dad, he is hot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
