You made me cry and you don't even care
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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