I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
