we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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