He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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