dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
