we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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