no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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