all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
