I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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