So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
