This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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