How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
