I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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