How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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