I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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