And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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