we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
