there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
