Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
