before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
