Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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