The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
