i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
