If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
