Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize