i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
please don't ironically join a cult
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