i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
