My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
