Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
