awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
