Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
