Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
