you guys were way drunker than both of me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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