THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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