Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
