Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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