There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
