just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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