Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
