It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
