Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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