I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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