i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
