Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
