Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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