i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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