I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
