I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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