Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
