Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
