Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
