Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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