No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
