I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
